Its tough being fair in a relationship even if thats the choice you have made knowingly and whole-heartedly. I face this dilemma often and the tug-of-war between my adult side and the child side is constant. The fact that it will be so easy to give in and just be oblivious to everything else other than what I want, what I need, what will make me happy or in this case what will not hurt me- is tempting. This- "being fair" is so tough- it is draining. More so when you have to keep a straight face or a normal tone of voice masking the churn going inside you, forgive and forget quickly-bounce back to normal. You just want to burst out and let the other person see how actually you are feeling- even lash out sometime.
My promise is not to be unreasonable but what if you are feeling that the definition of "unreasonableness" has been expanded to include a bit more than I bargained for. I guess this is the real test of my proud stance that I am above petty expectations.
I do not know what bothers me exactly - there is no logice behind how I feel and that is why it is hard to defend but the way I feel is strong enough to not be ignores simply because they are there lashing at me. And I? I stand there like a lone pillar with the waves of all negative emotions hitting me hard and directly so. It will be so easy to just bend down and let these waves tides over me.
