I have never been so scared- maybe I have been. But since the current experience or situation in one's life is always of such dramatic proportion that I think right now I am the most scared that I have ever been.
I am afraid to think beyond the next couple of months. Earlier also I never thought long term but that was solely out of my choice but now it is more of a compulsion or the circumstances have put me in such a position that I am plain simple afraid of thinking long term.
But often I ask myself what is that I want or long for? What do I want from life? Do I have to wait for it to hand me out whatever it has to give me- whether or not it makes me happy but then what is REAL happiness? Will I ever find out? Does anyone ever find out? Does it really matter? Sometimes I think life owes me this and that. Now does it really? Isnt it enough that life is....period. That I am alive? That I am breathing and I am not opposite of 'being alive'. Magar ye bhi koi jeena hai lallu...Zindagi mere ghar aana...aana Zindagi...
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Gym alone?
Many people ask me how can I like gymming alone? They themselves have to push themselves for doing it. Firstly, something as boring as exercise and then that too alone!
I had always liked gymming alone. Even though a couple of times some friend would be there but eventually you have to do your own stuff and just maybe talk to each other once in a while.
Gymming or exercising alone brings to me a chance to get in touch with myself without any other distractions. If you see rest of the day- in office, at home- you are surrounded by voices. of people, from television, laptop, even the appliances! Slowly, I think most of us have become unused or are even scared of a noiseless, quite and lone time alone. We depend on an aid constantly- a TV, music, book, laptop, mobile…to give us that comfort feeling that we are not alone.
I can agree that one cannot be alone for too long but at least a couple of hours in a day should be there when one can retreat back inside oneself and just talk to one’s mind, heart, soul & body. The 1.5 hours I spend in gym does that for me. Surrounded by strangers- nobody to talk to- I am on my own. While exercising I focus not only on the actions but the thoughts. I assure my body that I do not take it for granted, that I want to take care of it in return of the services/ capabilities it is providing me. I know it will sound weird but lots of articles and studies do say that most of the modern day illnesses are stress related and can be taken care if we just focus on ourselves, take sometime out to care for our body. It is kind of a meditation.
There are interim periods when I am irregular and stop exercising and over a period of time I get to see the repercussions not only bodily but also mentally.
Its always a good feeling for me to shut everything out and just be with myself, think about things which are perhaps occupying my mind- many times even sorting them out., be thankful of this life, good health, stable mind :) and then I am back again, to have conversations and get in touch with my friends & loved ones.
It’s a way for me to have a balance.
I had always liked gymming alone. Even though a couple of times some friend would be there but eventually you have to do your own stuff and just maybe talk to each other once in a while.
Gymming or exercising alone brings to me a chance to get in touch with myself without any other distractions. If you see rest of the day- in office, at home- you are surrounded by voices. of people, from television, laptop, even the appliances! Slowly, I think most of us have become unused or are even scared of a noiseless, quite and lone time alone. We depend on an aid constantly- a TV, music, book, laptop, mobile…to give us that comfort feeling that we are not alone.
I can agree that one cannot be alone for too long but at least a couple of hours in a day should be there when one can retreat back inside oneself and just talk to one’s mind, heart, soul & body. The 1.5 hours I spend in gym does that for me. Surrounded by strangers- nobody to talk to- I am on my own. While exercising I focus not only on the actions but the thoughts. I assure my body that I do not take it for granted, that I want to take care of it in return of the services/ capabilities it is providing me. I know it will sound weird but lots of articles and studies do say that most of the modern day illnesses are stress related and can be taken care if we just focus on ourselves, take sometime out to care for our body. It is kind of a meditation.
There are interim periods when I am irregular and stop exercising and over a period of time I get to see the repercussions not only bodily but also mentally.
Its always a good feeling for me to shut everything out and just be with myself, think about things which are perhaps occupying my mind- many times even sorting them out., be thankful of this life, good health, stable mind :) and then I am back again, to have conversations and get in touch with my friends & loved ones.
It’s a way for me to have a balance.
Monday, February 16, 2009
A note On Valentine's Day
My journey on this earth
Till my last breath since birth
The experiences I have had
The good ones and the bad
A handful of people have touched my heart and stirred my soul
Making this joruney really worthwhile
Even though they might not have been able to give me company all the way
Sometimes I also had to let go
But somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart and mind
They occupied a place- secured forever
With each of them I grew, I matured and my life was enriched
Through tears, through laughter, through adventures, sometimes through melancholy and even bitterness
Each single encounter has added to my overall persona
As per a book I read, in each lifetime
You are surrounded by the same set of people
Though in different roles or avatars
But the bonding with the souls is unmistakable and permanent
This is to all those persons- Thank you
And the only thing that keeps me going and positive is the fact
That this is not the end
We have had a date or a courtship (sort of) in this lifetime
We will have several more
I hope I contributed in my way to your experiences
I might not and am not the perfect person
But my efforts were sincere till I was with you
And for me, there has been never and ending to "anything"
Maybe the roles changed a bit
My restless soul has driven me to take some steps which might have appeared ruthless
But I need to be true to my spirit- cannot suppress that
Thank you again and just remember I am there - always
Whenever you need to reach out
As I said for me its never the end
Your places in my heart are special and only reserved for you
Till my last breath since birth
The experiences I have had
The good ones and the bad
A handful of people have touched my heart and stirred my soul
Making this joruney really worthwhile
Even though they might not have been able to give me company all the way
Sometimes I also had to let go
But somewhere in the deep recesses of my heart and mind
They occupied a place- secured forever
With each of them I grew, I matured and my life was enriched
Through tears, through laughter, through adventures, sometimes through melancholy and even bitterness
Each single encounter has added to my overall persona
As per a book I read, in each lifetime
You are surrounded by the same set of people
Though in different roles or avatars
But the bonding with the souls is unmistakable and permanent
This is to all those persons- Thank you
And the only thing that keeps me going and positive is the fact
That this is not the end
We have had a date or a courtship (sort of) in this lifetime
We will have several more
I hope I contributed in my way to your experiences
I might not and am not the perfect person
But my efforts were sincere till I was with you
And for me, there has been never and ending to "anything"
Maybe the roles changed a bit
My restless soul has driven me to take some steps which might have appeared ruthless
But I need to be true to my spirit- cannot suppress that
Thank you again and just remember I am there - always
Whenever you need to reach out
As I said for me its never the end
Your places in my heart are special and only reserved for you
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