Life is

I have never been so scared- maybe I have been. But since the current experience or situation in one's life is always of such dramatic proportion that I think right now I am the most scared that I have ever been.

I am afraid to think beyond the next couple of months. Earlier also I never thought long term but that was solely out of my choice but now it is more of a compulsion or the circumstances have put me in such a position that I am plain simple afraid of thinking long term.

But often I ask myself what is that I want or long for? What do I want from life? Do I have to wait for it to hand me out whatever it has to give me- whether or not it makes me happy but then what is REAL happiness? Will I ever find out? Does anyone ever find out? Does it really matter? Sometimes I think life owes me this and that. Now does it really? Isnt it enough that life is....period. That I am alive? That I am breathing and I am not opposite of 'being alive'. Magar ye bhi koi jeena hai lallu...Zindagi mere ghar aana...aana Zindagi...